following Jesus

When i woke up this morning, more like noon, i prayed a prayer..

i said, Lord, show me what it means to take up my cross and follow you.

In my heart, i knew i must not say prayers that i don't really mean cos God hears and God takes my prayers seriously. But it was a prayer from my heart.

I don't know what it really means but i want to know. Jesus said, "Anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:27

I'm troubled by what this really means, so i want God to show it to me..

I did quite a bit of work today, and when i had enough of writing, i listened to a song (thanks stevie for sharing the songs online!) it's called "Yet will i sing". It's a beautiful song. As i listened to it, i came to a realisation that yes, i don't need physical ears to hear what Jesus has to say to me, i don't need physical eyes to see Jesus, i don't need a voice that can be heard to talk to my Lord. It sounds painful i know but Jesus loves me more than i love my voice, my ears, my eyes. He is worth all these.

As i was searching for the lyrics of this song, i stumbled upon Dean's blog. He battled with pancreatic cancer, which later on metastesized to his liver. Every day of this battle, he trusted in Jesus, he loved Jesus, he followed Jesus, he thanked Jesus, he still loved those around him like he did before. He died recently, after 2 years, and each and every day of that 2 years, he was a victor. Cancer did not defeat him, he died a strong man, dearly loved by God. Could this be what it means to take up my cross and follow you Lord? I don't mean cancer, i mean loving you no matter the cost.

"Yet will i sing"
by Audra Lynn

let this be the only love song i write
will you be the only love in my life
i asked you to draw me
i said i would run
so though i walk through the valley
yet will i trust
i asked you to call me
i said i would come
so though i go up the mountain
yet will i run
and though my song be taken from me
yet will i sing, yet will i praise you
though the joy be taken from me
yet will i laugh, yet will i shout unto you
though the light be hidden from me
yet will i walk, yet will i run after you
though my heart be slain within me
yet will i trust, yet will i follow you
cause i know whatever you do, you do through the eyes of mercy
oh, and nothing can be added to it, and nothing can be taken away
there is a time for every purpose under the heavens
so though my weeping lasts for the night,
Your joy, it comes with the light
though my song be taken from me,
yet will i sing, yet will i praise you
though my heart be slain within me
yet will i trust, yet will i follow after you